Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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