69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
