I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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