If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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