So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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