My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
