I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
