i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
