whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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