And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
