Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my shit smells like andre
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
