glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
