oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
