nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
