I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
