he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
two words: eviction party
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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