Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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