Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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