GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
