do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
