the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
