You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
