I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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