Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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