Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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