I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
