Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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