I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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