You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
