Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
