You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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