I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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