headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
