dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
