i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
