Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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