i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
