Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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