Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
