girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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