Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
