Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
