So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
