just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
