You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
