o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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