flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
