u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
