you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
