Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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