I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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