yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
