Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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