Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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