At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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