I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
