Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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