You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize