real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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