All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize