Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
