rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
