I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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