It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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