hotel room ftw
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
