Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
