I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
too bad you live with your parents still
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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