I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
