Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
